Now, I know that this story is going to sound like a first world problem, but I don’t really care. I’m a gamer and I am 100 percent in on playing PS4. If I could go without sleep, eating, or going to the bathroom I would do it all the time. I’m on it so much that my parents have even given up trying to tell me to stop playing. They have just told me that as long as my grades do suffer and I’m not a tired-emotional mess then they are cool with it.
My hope is to one day to become a pro gamer or at the very least a well-paid streamer. This isn’t my story, however, as that would be a lame one to put you all through.
So, I have a good friend, for the sake of hiding his identity and not making him known to the world, I will call him Jake. He’s a good dude. We get a long a lot of the time but there is one subject that can always start a fight.
As I said, I’m a gamer, and my battle station of choice is a PS4 while Jake is all about Xbox. When I say that he’s all about Xbox, he’s almost extremist. He has plans to get the schematics of the original Xbox tattooed across his back! That’s extreme! He has two gerbils named Bill and Gates! He wants to name his future children Halo and Cortana. This I’m ok with, because I’m pretty sure he’s never going to get a girlfriend so we could be safe.
I know that there is a lot of rivalry between the consoles and those that game on a PC, but this is something else. This is WAY beyond roasting each other over console exclusives or hardware. He’s a real jerk about it. The moment it comes to my house, he starts talking trash about it. He’s also not afraid to get REALLY personal about it.
Please, don’t think that I’m just being soft about it. I’ll give you an example. A year ago, my grandmother, who I was really close with, passed away. I was broken up about it, so I was looking for someone to kind of lean on. My mistake was thinking Jake was that person. I told him about it, and he gave me the obligatory “Sorry” he paused and said, “Pity she didn’t take your PS4 with her”.
Who says things like that? I didn’t know what to say. I was shocked. Later, I tried to give him the benefit of a doubt and say that maybe me leaning on him made him uncomfortable, so he blurted that out to try and lighten the mood. But it didn’t stop there. When we would play together at his house, he would never touch my PS4, he would trash talk me and say that he was going to send me to be with my grandmother.
It’s really messed up. When he does come over, he’s always threatening to smash my PS4. I don’t know if he thinks he is being funny or if he’s serious. Once, when he was over, he had a drink near my desk. He accidentally knocked over the drink and it almost spilled on my PS4. Well, he said it was an accident, but I think he was trying to do it on purpose.
He’s started bullying me online about it as well. He’ll comment on my streams and “Let’s Play’ videos with gross slurs and language and it all comes from his hatred for PS4.
I’ve tried to distance myself from him, but we’ve been friends for so many years it’s almost like getting rid of a family. Now’s the messed-up part on my end. I had a dream the other night that I straight-up murdered him. We were hanging out and he started bagging out my PS4 again and I snapped. I ripped the HDMI cable out of the back of the TV and strangled him with it. I was an amazing feeling.
I woke up smiling. I thought I had really done it. Then as the dream and sleep wore off and I realize I hadn’t done it, I won’t lie, I was kind of bummed. I wasn’t even scared that I had killed someone or that I could go to jail, I just really liked the idea of him dead.
Now, I’m freaking out because it’s becoming an obsessive thought. When he starts being normal jerk Jake, I just daydream about murdering him with something nearby. I’m scared to talk about it to anyone, but obviously don’t mind putting it out on the internet…anonymously of course.
What should I do? Is this just a coping mechanism? What happens if I really do snap one day? I’m scared of the thoughts he makes me have and the person that he’s making me become.
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